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You probably know that most arguments rarely begin with a shout. More often, they’re sparked by a sharp word, a misread tone, or a quiet tension that hangs too long in the air. If you’ve ever felt the heat rising in a conversation before anything’s even been said, you know the power of what comes next.
The words you choose in that moment can either fan the flames or gently cool things down. The next time that you are on the verge of getting into it with someone, you should make sure to sure certain words and phrases that will keep temperatures down and keep everyone calm.
“Perhaps”
“Perhaps” is a word that invites flexibility into the conversation. It doesn’t declare; it suggests. It tells the other person, I have a view, but I’m open to yours.
Using “perhaps” slows down the emotional pace and gives room for nuance. It sounds like you’re thinking, not attacking—which disarms defensiveness before it even has a chance to form.
Avoiding a confrontation is all about perspective and being flexible. Arguments start when people are stuck in their ways and won’t change their opinions. “Perhaps” can help people feel heard and direct the argument to a more stable common ground.
“I”
This one’s deceptively simple. Starting a sentence with “I” rather than “you” shifts the energy entirely. “I feel,” “I wonder,” or “I noticed” invites the other person into your internal experience, rather than putting them on trial. It makes the conversation personal, not accusatory. And when people don’t feel blamed, they don’t feel the need to armor up.
“Maybe”
Similar to “perhaps,” but even gentler, “maybe” introduces possibility without pressure. It helps reframe statements that could otherwise come across as rigid or final. “Maybe we misunderstood each other” is a softer opening than “You weren’t listening.” That one word can open the door to dialogue instead of debate. It leaves space for shared discovery instead of immediate resistance.
“Could”
“Could” is the polite cousin of “should.” Where “should” provokes defensiveness and shame, “could” suggests potential and partnership. Saying “we could try this” implies you’re brainstorming together, not issuing orders. It makes your input feel collaborative instead of commanding. This softens the emotional edge and makes compromise feel more inviting.
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“Understand”
It’s incredible how much power the word “understand” holds when tensions rise. Even just saying, “I understand why you’d feel that way” can take the heat out of an argument. It tells the other person they’re seen and heard, and that you’re not just waiting to make your own point. “Understand” doesn’t mean you agree—it means you care enough to empathize. And empathy is one of the fastest ways to neutralize hostility.
“Seems”
There’s something non-threatening about the word “seems.” Saying “It seems like you’re frustrated” is far less inflammatory than “You’re overreacting.” “Seems” allows room for correction without creating conflict. It acknowledges perception rather than labeling behavior. This helps maintain dignity on both sides while still moving the conversation forward.
If you want to avoid seeming certain about something, you should be careful and use the word “seems” a lot during any potential argument.
“And”
“And” is the quiet hero of calm communication. When things get heated, “but” often creeps in to cancel out anything kind we’ve just said. “I see your point, but…” immediately signals a rebuttal. Swap it for “and” and watch the shift happen. “I see your point, and I’d like to add another perspective” keeps the door open instead of slamming it shut.
If you want to keep the conversation going so you can bring it to a better place, “and” might be key to helping you reach your goals.
Be Soft & Avoid An Argument
Few people really like to argue and fight but, sadly, it is something that we all have to deal with at times. But it doesn’t have to always happen. If you can be smart, think ahead, and heed certain advice, it can be avoided.
The way we speak during conflict says just as much as the content of our arguments. Words have texture, tone, and temperature—and the softest ones often carry the greatest strength. Whether you’re speaking to a loved one, a colleague, or a stranger on the internet, these gentle words can shape a conversation in remarkable ways. They don’t remove disagreement, but they clear a path through it. Try them, notice what changes, and keep refining how you show up in the hard moments.
What are the soft words you turn to when conversations get tough? Have you found a lot of success steering arguments into peaceful, gentle conversations instead of full-on fights?
Read More
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