In the vast sea of mobile applications, there are gems that make our lives easier, more enjoyable, or more productive. But for every useful one, there’s an utterly useless app lurking in the depths of the app store. From apps that simulate the sound of a baby crying to ones that do nothing but display a virtual lighter flame, the world of unnecessary apps is as amusing as it is bewildering. Here we dive into 20 of the most ridiculous and pointless apps that shouldn’t exist, but somehow do.
1. iFart
Let’s start with a classic. iFart does exactly what its name suggests – it makes fart noises. With a variety of different sounds and even a “sneak attack” mode for playing pranks, it’s a prime example of an app that’s more silly than useful. However, kids and teens would probably enjoy this slightly juvenile app.
2. Just Hold On
This app challenges you to see how long you can keep your finger pressed on the screen. That’s it. There’s no objective, no goal, just holding your finger in place until you get bored and wonder why you downloaded it in the first place. However, there is a leaderboard that allows you to see where you rank compared to other players. This increases the fun factor slightly, but we’d rather play a more entertaining game.
3. Is It Dark Outside?
All this app does is tell you if it’s dark outside based on your timezone, making it an extremely useless app. Most people can tell if it’s dark or not faster by simply looking out the window or glancing at a watch. The app also shows you sunrise and sunset times. This feature could potentially be useful if you’re planning an outdoor activity and don’t want to get stuck outside in the dark. However, you could just look up this information using a search engine, so you don’t really need this useless app.
4. I Am Rich
Back in 2008, a developer created a completely useless app called “I Am Rich.” It cost a whopping $999. The only thing it did was display a picture of a ruby on the screen, followed by a four line poem about being rich. It was so pointless that it was removed from the app store, so luckily it no longer exists. The app developer created a follow-up app that was around $8, but unsurprisingly, it didn’t sell well.
5. Cry Translator
This app claims to translate your baby’s cries into understandable language. Whether it’s hungry, sleepy, or needs a diaper change, the Cry Translator promises to decode it. However, its accuracy is highly doubtful, making it more of a novelty than a practical tool. Your intuition as a parent is more likely to tell you what’s causing your child’s cries than this useless app.
6. Lighter Simulator
Remember when people used to hold up lighters at concerts? Well, now you can do it virtually with this app. Complete with a flickering flame animation, it serves no purpose other than to mimic a lighter. We’d rather just keep a real lighter in our pocket and save the storage space on our phone. At least real lighters have more practical uses than this pointless app.
7. iBeer
Hold your phone up to your mouth and pretend to drink a beer. That’s the entire premise of this app. While it might be entertaining for a few seconds, it’s hardly groundbreaking. We’d rather crack open a real cold one than pretend to drink beer using this pointless app. Perhaps it could come in handy if you don’t drink and want to feel more included at parties and bars. However, we’d rather just order a soda than hold a fake drink all night.
8. Electric Shaver
Need to shave but forgot your razor? Fear not, because this app lets you simulate the sound and vibration of an electric shaver. Just don’t try to actually shave with it! However, if you’re one the unlucky people who can’t even grow a five o’clock shadow, using this app in the morning could help you feel like part of the beard club.
9. Poop Map
Have you ever wanted to track all the places you’ve gone to the bathroom? Then Poop Map is the useless app for you. It lets you drop a pin wherever you’ve dropped a deuce. It’s similar to those travel apps that allow you to see all the countries you’ve visited on a map. But why anyone would want to remember all the bathrooms they’ve been to is beyond us!
10. RunPee
Ever wondered when the best time to go to the bathroom during a movie is? RunPee has you covered. It tells you the best times to take a bathroom break during a film and even provides a summary of what you missed. For those of us with tiny bladders, this app could potentially be useful. Especially if you like to treat yourself to a large soda while watching films.
11. VintagePhone
VintagePhone is an app that tries to replicate the experience of dialing an old rotary phone. It has sound effects and a phone book so you can save people’s contact information. Maybe your grandma would enjoy this app for the nostalgia factor, but otherwise it’s pretty pointless. If we really wanted to use a rotary phone, we would just try to restore a vintage one.
12. Fake Call
Need an excuse to escape a conversation? Fake Call lets you schedule fake incoming calls to give you a reason to leave. It’s the modern-day equivalent of faking an urgent text message. However, we think honesty is the best policy in social situations, so we couldn’t see ourselves using this app.
13. Bonfire Simulator
Bonfire Simulator mimics the crackling sounds and flickering flames of a campfire. However, you’ll enjoy the real deal much more than this app version, which doesn’t provide any actual warmth. You’ll also miss out on the best part of a bonfire: roasting marshmallows and hot dogs over the fire. Although this app is ok for creating a bit of ambiance, it doesn’t even come close to beating an actual bonfire.
14. Harmonica App
This app turns your phone into a harmonica, which may be useful if you’re trying to learn how to play. However, we’d argue that it’s better to buy a real harmonica than put your phone in your mouth. After all, phones have about 10 times more bacteria than toilet seats. If you have your heart set on using this app, luckily it still works with your fingers so you can avoid germs.
15. Paper Racing
Remember drawing lines on a piece of paper and racing them with your friends? Now you can do it virtually with Paper Racing. It’s a digital version of a classic time-waster. If you’re waiting in a long line at the grocery store, this could be a good distraction. However, we might find it a little boring if not for the nostalgia factor.
16. The Useless App
There’s literally an app that’s called “Useless” and just displays a red square on your screen and various snarky messages. The app rudely asks you what you want and even insults your face. We wonder why it even exists. But at least you know what kind of experience you’re signing up for when you download it, thanks to the app’s accurate title.
17. Virtual Candle HD
Need to create some ambiance? This app lets you “light” a virtual candle on your phone screen. Just be careful not to burn yourself! Although this app is arguably safer than a real candle, it lacks the same soothing scent, leaving a lot to be desired. We’ll stick with our Bath & Body Works candles!
18. Human to Dog Translator
Scientists are working on creating accurate human to pet translators using artificial intelligence. But the technology definitely isn’t up to par yet, making this a pretty useless app. It’s better to use your intuition as a pet parent to figure out what’s going on with your pup. Usually it’s dogs want one of three things anyway: treats, playtime, or a potty break. You don’t need an app to tell you that!
19. S.M.T.H.
S.M.T.H. stands for “Send Me To Heaven.” This app encourages users to launch their phone up into the air and measures their throwing strength. This is not only a useless app, but also a really bad idea. You could break your phone or injure yourself or others, so don’t try this at home.
20. FatBooth
Upload a photo of yourself and watch as the app adds virtual pounds to your image. It’s essentially digital body shaming, and definitely not something you need in your life. Go ahead and break free from the scale by embracing body positivity. Remember that you’re beautiful at any size!
Useless Apps Are a Waste of Storage Space
While these apps may be entertaining for a few minutes, their overall usefulness is highly debatable. You’ll probably use them once or twice for laughs and then forget they even exist. So the next time you’re browsing the app store, maybe think twice before downloading Just Hold On or Virtual Candle. Your phone’s storage space will thank you!
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Vicky Monroe is a freelance personal finance and lifestyle writer. When she’s not busy writing about her favorite money saving hacks or tinkering with her budget spreadsheets, she likes to travel, garden, and cook healthy vegetarian meals.