The word “grandparent” evokes strong mental images. “Grandma” may make you think of a cheerful, gray-haired woman who loves to bake and babysit her grandkids. Grandpa might enjoy taking his grandkids fishing, playing ball with them, and going for ice cream. Millennials expected Boomers to fit these idyllic expectations of grandparents, helping with childcare and being a constant presence in their grandkids’ lives.
However, Boomers don’t share the same vision for their retirement. They long for more active adventures like travel, which may interfere with Millennials’ vision of a closely bonded extended family. Here’s why these mismatched expectations are causing Millennials to blame Boomers for supposedly being absentee grandparents.
1. Boomers Decided to Travel in Retirement
Many Boomers have decided to relocate or travel in retirement, even embracing alternative lifestyles like full-time RV camping and living on cruise ships. Some Millennials say that they feel abandoned and wish their parents would stay close to family instead of traveling or living abroad. This jet-setting lifestyle may prevent Boomers from building tight bonds with their grandkids and cause Millennials to view them as absentee grandparents.
2. Boomers Are the Oldest Grandparents
According to Business Insider, Boomers are the oldest generation of grandparents ever. Instead of having kids at a young age, most Millennials decided to focus on their careers and delay having kids until their thirties or even forties. As a result, Boomers didn’t become grandparents until later in life.
Many Millennials want Boomers to be involved in raising their kids. But Boomer grandparents may not have enough energy anymore to participate in child-rearing, causing them to be labeled as absentee grandparents by their Millennial kids.
3. Boomers Post Too Much On Social Media
According to Distractify, some Millennials feel that Boomer grandparents care more too much about social media likes. They say that Boomers spend more time bragging about their grandchildren online and posting photos of them on Facebook than actually visiting them in person.
Due to this dynamic, one woman said that her parents feel more like acquaintances of her children than real grandparents. Some Millennials also have privacy concerns about photos of their kids appearing online and wish that Boomers would stop posting them on social media.
4. Boomers Don’t Want to Be Called Grandparents
Millennials are also annoyed that some Boomers don’t want to be called grandma or grandpa. Boomers may be rejecting this title because they feel that it’s outdated or implies that they’re old. However, Millennials may see it as another way that Boomers are abandoning their role and becoming absentee grandparents.
5. Boomers Are Too Busy
Boomer grandparents who live near their grandkids and aren’t traveling might still be too busy to help with childcare. Their generation is working longer, either by delaying retirement and staying in their full-time jobs, or finding new part-time work. Even fully retired Boomers frequently choose to stay active, filling their social calendars with volunteer work, hobbies, and social engagements.
Boomers may feel that the time in their life dedicated to raising a family has passed. They may FaceTime with their grandkids and drop by from time to time, but aren’t a central fixture in their lives. Some Millennials dislike this hands-off grandparenting style and wish they would be more involved.
6. Financial Resentment
According to Newsweek, some Millennials feel left behind as their parents enjoy the retirement nest egg they built. While Millennials juggle work, side hustles, and family obligations, they’re watching their parents enjoy a newfound level of freedom to travel and spend as they please. Many Millennials are struggling to cope with childcare expenses while paying off hefty student loan balances. As a result, they can’t help but feel a little jealous of their parents’ disposable income and free time.
7. Lack of Childcare Help
Some Millennials may wish their parents would use some of their financial resources or free time to help them with childcare. But Boomers might feel that it’s not their responsibility to ease their children’s parental burdens. They feel that they’ve paid their dues to their family already and are ready to move on to the next phase of their life. They’re not willing to drop all their social commitments or change their lifestyle and spending plans to contribute to raising their grandkids, physically or financially.
8. Too Many Presents, Not Enough Presence
Some Millennials say that Boomer grandparents are giving their grandkids too much stuff. These presents contribute to clutter in their already overcrowded households. They also believe these gifts don’t align with their parenting philosophy. The gifts may spoil their kids or interfere with values they’re trying to instill as parents, such as minimal screen time. Millennials might rather have their parents be more involved and tag along for fun experiences than give lots of presents to compensate for their absence.
9. Millennials Don’t Trust Boomers’ Parenting Advice
According to Business Insider, another reason Millennial parents feel alone and unsupported by Boomers is differences in parenting styles. Millennials view the authoritarian child-rearing techniques Boomers prefer as outdated. For that reason, Millennials don’t feel like they can ask their parents for advice or help when they’re having trouble with their kids. This lack of trust in Boomers’ parenting skills may contribute to Millennials’ feelings of isolation.
10. Mismatched Priorities and Expectations
Millennials and Boomers obviously love and care for each other deeply. However, they’re suffering from a disconnect of mismatched priorities and expectations. Boomers are trying to make the most of their only chance at retirement, which may interfere with Millennials’ dream of a tight-knit grandparent relationship for their kids. They may have fond memories of spending weekends at grandma’s house and long for their kids to experience that same bond.
However, Boomers might feel that they can still form a loving relationship with their grandkids without being around them all the time. They want to use their limited golden years to enjoy themselves instead of continuing to prioritize their family over themselves, which is a valid desire.
Fostering Understanding
Hopefully Millennials and Boomers can find ways to understand and make space for each other’s priorities and differences. Seeking family therapy, engaging in open communication, and finding compromises when possible may help improve their relationship.
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Vicky Monroe is a freelance personal finance and lifestyle writer. When she’s not busy writing about her favorite money saving hacks or tinkering with her budget spreadsheets, she likes to travel, garden, and cook healthy vegetarian meals.