Broken Families: 13 Reasons Millennials Are Cutting Contact With Boomer Parents

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Family estrangement is becoming increasingly common as family values shift and change. According to The Hill, more than a quarter of adult children are currently estranged from or used to have no contact with one or both parents.

If a dysfunctional parent-child relationship is detracting from their happiness and peace, Millennials may opt to cut contact instead of putting up with it. Here are 13 reasons why Millennials are breaking up with their parents.

1. Personality Clashes

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Parents and children may have conflicting personalities that cause regular clashes. If both parties are hot-headed, they may have trouble defusing disagreements and reconciling. Unresolved arguments can damage the relationship and eventually lead to estrangement.

2. Differences in Parenting Styles

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Many Boomers adhere to more traditional parenting styles characterized by authority and discipline. Millennials, on the other hand, usually prefer a gentler parenting approach that prioritizes emotional support and positive reinforcement over punishment.

These differences in parenting approaches can lead to conflicts and strained relationships. Some Boomers have alienated their children by offering unwelcome parenting advice and disciplining their grandchildren too harshly while babysitting.

3. Lack of Shared Values

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Millennials and Baby Boomers often have different values and beliefs, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings. For example, Millennials are less religious than Boomers and much more liberal, which can cause them to feel disconnected from their parents. The worsening political polarization that began during the 2016 election cycle has sadly contributed to the breakdown of many parent-child relationships.

4. Difficulty Saying “I’m Sorry”

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According to Psychology Today, many parents have trouble apologizing to their children, even after their kids reach adulthood. Some Boomers may believe that they don’t owe their children apologies for mistakes because they’re the authority figure in the relationship. However, other Boomers may simply struggle to be vulnerable and express feelings of remorse and regret.

When asked what they plan to do differently with their kids, Millennials often say that they’re going to own up to mistakes and say they’re sorry. These differing generational approaches to apologies may help explain the rift between Boomers and their Millennial children.

5. Boundary Issues

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Another reason why Millennials are going no contact is that their parents don’t respect their boundaries. Millennials say some Boomers overstep by doing things like showing up without calling and feeding their grandkids things that aren’t allowed like sweets. Millennials feel unheard and disrespected when their parents continually cross their boundaries, eroding trust in the relationship over time.

6. Lack of Mental Health Awareness

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Boomers grew up during a time when mental health wasn’t discussed and may still attach a stigma to it. This perspective may prevent them from giving their Millennial children the emotional support they need. Additionally, they may have trouble understanding the mental health struggles that their Millennial children are facing, which can strain the relationship.

7. Disagreements Over Lifestyle Choices

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Millennials may embrace alternative lifestyles, such as minimalism, veganism, or unconventional career paths, which may not align with their Boomer parents’ expectations or values. This disconnect in lifestyle and career choices can strain parent-child relationships.

8. Changing Beliefs About Family

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Boomers typically have more traditional values and may believe in putting family first. However, younger generations like Millennials and Gen Z tend to prioritize their individual well-being. If familial relationships are causing significant emotional distress and robbing them of their peace, they’re usually more willing to consider options like reducing or cutting contact.

9. Negative Childhood Experiences

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Resentment stemming from negative childhood experiences can also cause an adult child to cut contact with their parents. Millennials who felt neglected and misunderstood as kids or who suffered abuse are more likely to be estranged from their families.

10. Parental Divorce

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Boomer parents who have gotten divorced may be more likely to be estranged from their Millennial children. Children might take one parent’s side in the divorce and cut ties with the other. Familial discord caused by divorce may also lead Millennials to end contact with both parents.

11. Financial Disagreements

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Financial disagreements can also lead to estrangement. Resentment over borrowed money that was never returned, for example, may weaken parent-child relationships. Some children may have financial support expectations that their parents can’t or won’t meet, and vice versa. Millennials who don’t want to financially support their parents in retirement may choose to cut off contact.

12. Disagreements Over Family Roles

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Mismatched expectations over family roles can also break the parent-child bond. Disagreements over the frequency of visits or grandparents’ rights can cause estrangement. Parents who expect their children to fulfill a caregiver role as they age may also alienate their children.

13. Traumatic Events

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According to Psychology Today, traumatic events are a common cause of familial estrangement. A death, car accident, or serious illness can draw loved ones together as they heal or potentially drive a wedge between family members.

Familial Healing Is Possible

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If both sides extend compassion and understanding to each other, familial healing may be possible. Enrolling in therapy can help families defuse conflicts and understand each other’s perspectives, promoting reconciliation.

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Vicky Monroe

Vicky Monroe is a freelance personal finance and lifestyle writer. When she’s not busy writing about her favorite money saving hacks or tinkering with her budget spreadsheets, she likes to travel, garden, and cook healthy vegetarian meals.