A lot of people dread shopping with kids. I remember the many trips to the store with my mom like it was yesterday. I loved to visit the toy and candy aisle. It didn’t even matter what kind of store it was. If there were toys or candy in the building, I’d find them.
As our daughter has gotten old enough to really desire things, we have often wondered when the onslaught of crying and whining would start. Our daughter has always been very even tempered and never whines or cries but we thought for sure it was just a matter of time.
I’m happy to report that the time hasn’t arrived yet. We went to the store last night to pick up a pair of pants and a shirt for an older man that my daughter’s class is sponsoring for Christmas. I absolutely wanted to take my daughter with me to help her share in the experience of helping others, but it was also a necessity because my wife was teaching piano lessons at the time.
As we were walking in to the store my daughter told me, “Daddy, how about if I take some of my toys in my room and give them to a little girl that doesn’t have any toys?” I was thrilled to hear that. All the conversations we’ve had were paying off. I was a little disappointed when she followed that comment up with, “Daddy, instead of getting a small candy treat, can I get a toy?” Wow. The manipulating has started. Okay, so she wasn’t as concerned with getting her old toys in the hands of a deserving child, rather, she was much more interested in offering up some old toys in hopes she’d soften me up for a new toy.
Unfortunately she didn’t get the result she was after. I told her, “I’m sorry honey, but a small bit of candy is not very expensive, but a toy would be much more expensive and we can’t spend the money on one now”. Of course we could have spent the money on one but we intentionally don’t buy toys when we take her shopping because we don’t want her to develop an expectation. We also don’t buy her many toys between Christmas and her birthday because no child needs THAT many toys. (Believe me, she has plenty)
Her reaction to me saying no was wonderful. She said, “okay”. I was even more surprised when she saw the toy aisle and saw a “High School Musical” toy sitting at eye level on the shelf. She yelled, “Daddy. Look a High School Musical toy. I said, “Oh wow. That’s neat but we need to keep moving.” She turned and headed in my direction without a bit of complaining.
I’m not sure if her behavior is based on the many trips we’ve taken to the store where we’ve set the tone, or whether she just hasn’t hit that stage of really pushing to buy something, but either way, it sure is nice to go to the store with her these days.
We don’t have children yet but I am determined to make them understand money. My husband is a doctor and people think we have money coming out the wazoo. It’s so important for me to teach them these things! Good job!
I love your story, sounds much like my own children at different stages in their life.
May I make a suggestion for the next time you’re explaining to your daughter why you aren’t buying her something? (I hope it’s alright that I assume it’s okay that I do suggest).
Instead of saying “…we can’t spend the money on one nowâ€, say “we or I “chose” not to spend my/our money on this.” We use this word, choice, with our kids and it’s really starting to sink into them that what we spend our money on is a choice… yes, sometimes it’s “can’t” because it’s not affordable or we have other needs/wants to meet, but even then it’s also a choice we’re making… buy groceries, or buy a toy. This also leads nicely into discussions about the value of our purchases…should I chose to spend $5 on this cheap toy, or save more money and buy a toy that will last and give me many months of enjoyment?
Sometimes I offer our boys the choice of buying them a 50cent candy or giving them the same 50cents for their savings banks. Sometimes they take the candy, sometimes not. I like that they are making a choice and thinking hard about the pros and cons of each offer.
It’s sounds as if you’re doing a great job of teaching your daughter about money… no whining to buy things, the offer to give away her toys (even if manipulative, normal for her age) are all seeds sprouting. Good job!
Thanks for the advice Mama Mia,
I think we will try to incorporate that word in to our vocabulary more. We have used it, but it does sound like a good idea to start using it more. I’d like her to recognize that we choose to spend money or not.
I’d also like her to begin realizing that, in many cases, we choose to create good and bad situations to put ourselves in.
“we intentionally don’t buy toys when we take her shopping because we don’t want her to develop an expectation”
While I don’t have children yet – this is definitely one of the things I will be incorporating. Sounds like you guys are doing a good job :)
Love your blog by the way!