I read an article on Salon.com about a woman who’s 30 year old son won’t leave home. Not only will he not leave but he also won’t help share the costs of living there. Every time the mother brings up the fact that she really needs him to help with the costs, he blows up and gets angry. She’s afraid of making too big of a deal about it because he’s the only family she has.
It sure sounds like the son has figured out how to play with his mom’s emotions and live on easy street. Sure, blow up when your mom brings up the issue of money. If you make it uncomfortable enough, she’ll quit bringing it up. You know she isn’t going to kick you out because you are the only family you’ve got.
As I read through the article it was clear that the mom realizes what’s going on but just doesn’t know how to take it to the next step. I completely agree with the Salon writer. Kick him out gently and make him start realizing what the real world looks like. He’s been drifting on easy street too long. And what kind of son disregards his mothers current and future well being for his own selfish needs? Grow up Junior!!!
http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2007/09/04/living_at_home/?source=whitelist
Why doesn’t she just move and say he can’t go with her? (This is assuming she lives in a rental though because she said ‘rent’ in her letter.)
She could just make fun of him that no woman will date a man who still lives at home with his mom. Or watch Failure to Launch as a discussion opener.
Don’t assume the mother is telling the whole story. I really dont believe it’s as simple as that. If he’s chronically depressed or suicidal or has some sort of neurological disability that’s gone undiagnosed we don’t know.
He could just be a bum, but I’m not apt to trust her word for it. After all why would you WILLINGLY bum off your mother and live with your family when it effects EVERYTHING in your life and how people percieve you? Girls don’t dig that in a guy obviously.
Bob,
I’d love to hear what he has to say but something tells me he wouldn’t be motivated enough to type a reply. Just guessing.
Mapgirl,
Moving might not be a bad idea if she’s a renter, although it seems like she’d be making all the sacrifice. I’d just toss him out. It would yield the same result.
“Bob, I’d love to hear what he has to say but something tells me he wouldn’t be motivated enough to type a reply. Just guessing.”
Yeah but think of it from a guys point of view: It effects you social status and how other people percieve you, what’s he gonna do if he wants to get married? The thing is I think there is something wrong with this fellow and his mother was too dumb to pickup on it, he probably needs to see a psychiatrist. Go read up on Aspergers Syndrome, it’s possible he has a rough time in the social world and doesn’t know how to cope.
His “arguments” with his mother might be more about his FEAR of being on his own then simply trying to rip off his mother. I don’t buy what the mother is selling because what this man is doing is pretty self-destructive.
Yeah, I think you may have a point. It certainly isn’t considered normal social behavior to live with your mom in to your 30’s. It probably would warrant a bit deeper analysis by a professional.
I blame the mom. Sorry mom, no sympathy from me. Sink or swim time!
I have a nephew who is on this path. I blame the mom, too!