As you all know, my wife and I purchased an unfinished cabin last week. As part of that purchase, we knew that my wife would have to go back to work for awhile. We are able to cover the purchase cost and monthly costs of having it on my salary alone, but that wouldn’t leave much for the rest of the construction costs. (We want to pay cash for the rest)
Well, I don’t mind telling you that I’m finding the thought of daycare to be a heart wrenching ordeal. (and so is my wife but we are both coping). We went and toured the daycare yesterday with our daughter. I was pleased to see how secure the facility is and how many adults there are there. (all of them certified). We pretty much chose the “Mercedes” of daycares because we want to feel as confident as we can that our daughter is in a safe, positive environment where she’ll thrive. I have to admit, I found myself feeling a little scared for my 3 year old daughter. She’s going to learn a lot more independence than she has at home. We’ve been good about making her do things at home, but she’ll be one of 7 other children that one adult is watching. The expectations of her will be high. I think that’s going to be positive in the long run but it will be a little stressful at first. Since we are most likely only having one child, we want to be sure she doesn’t feel like she’s the center of the universe. We smother her with love at home, but we also try not to make her the center of the family. I’d say we are only marginally successful at that. We think that being in the daycare with the other children will help her recognize that she is only one of many people.
So, as we toured the daycare I kept a close eye on how the other children watched the teacher. They seemed to be comfortable with her and definitely didn’t feel afraid of her. There are actually 4 teachers in the same area with the kids (there are 4 groups of kids, 7 in each group), so I think they probably keep an eye on each other as well.
While my wife and I have definitely talked about our nervousness, I think that we also feel like we made a good decision. Our daughter is going to get lots more exposure to structured learning that we hope will help her thrive once she goes to school. I’m sure she’ll also get lots more exposure to childhood illnesses, but I guess that’s good too, since it will build her immune system. (Wow. Talk about rationalizing…….)
Oh, and here’s a picture of what we have to complete (The cabin in the background is our family cabin):
Especially at that age, kids are getting much better at making friends, and daycare is a great place to learn about sharing and group play and other cooperative skills.. which is hard to do with only one child at home. ;) I’ve known very few people who had bad experiences at daycare, especially in places like the one you are using, the teachers are usually there because they love children, and that really colors the whole experience for them.
If you have to ‘convince’ yourself that daycare is right for you and your family, then you are probably making the wrong decision.
I don’t have many regrets in life, but I do regret putting my son in childcare. He was only there for 2 years. But it was 2 years too long. Looking back now (he’s in school now), I realize it wasn’t the best decision for our family. But, hindsight is 20/20. I hope your situation works out for the best.
I know how hard the childcare choice is for many families. Having spent many years working as an Early Childhood Educator, I can attest to the value of a good quality child care center. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of research into your selection and I applaud you for it because I know that it will pay off.
I worked in what you are calling the “Mercedes” of child care and it was worth every dime that parents paid. We had high quality staff with years of profession training — I had completed the state required training to be a lead teacher but at this organization that merely qualified me to be an assistant teacher – only staff with college degrees or early childhood credentials were selected as Lead Teachers. Their commitment to providing quality care and also retaining quality staff benefitted the children every day.
I worked with infants and toddlers, the ages where many parents are extremely reluctant and torn about using child care, and I can tell you quiet honestly that these children gained immense value from being in the center. I know that they received care at and past the quality of care they may have received at home or from a relative. Because we had so many educational and intellectual resources on child development, we had a wonderful program that truly allowed children to be children but also took careful watch on development milestones and helped each child reach them.
I am often saddened when I hear about some families’ negative experiences with child care because I know how wonderful it can be. And I also know that while experiences often depend on the individual child’s personality, I worked with children with a wide range of personalities and attachment concerns and I honestly felt that each of them benefitted by being with staff that was consistent every day and truly cared about them and their family.
With child care, there is a clear correlation of cost and level of care. It is a hard and under paid field and finding a center that understands that the value of their staff is what will influence the value of the care they provide.
Sorry for the extended response, but wanted to hopefully help provide some positive feedback on this new decision and also congratulate you for making a quality based decision on which center to place your daughter in.
Thanks for the comment! Today is the first day and it was nice to get this comment to help us feel like we aren’t horrible parents for having our daughter go to daycare.
Maybe Randy hit it on the head. If your child is important to you, and it sounds as if she is, why not wait a couple of years on the cabin until she is in school. You’ll not only save the daycare expense, but you’ll get two more years of the most nurturing environment for her, and your wife will probably enjoy it, too. Sounds like both of you have having misgiving about the daycare, and I can’t say I blame you.
This is a wrenching transition whether it happens at the end of a short maternity leave or on the first day of kindergarten. It’s hard, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have good aspects. My son (almost 3) comes home from daycare and teaches me songs. I think he’s getting a lot at school that I couldn’t provide. He is also an only child (and likely to remain so). I think it’s a nice balance for him to be one of the pack at school, and then come home and be our our one and only.
When I first put him in daycare part time at 3 months (he’s still part time), I felt like the choice was made permanently: I wasn’t going to be a a SAHM. But my sister’s kids are teenagers now, and they still benefit a lot from having her home. You can always go back to having an at-home parent, and school age kids really benefit from that, too. So it’s not like it’s over. You’re just trying something different for now.
Thanks for the comment “Tired”. We are doing much better with it now. We probably will go back to my wife staying home once we get a caught up with the cabin. (Or maybe part time once our daughter is in school)