When my wife and I got married, we talked about having kids and what we would do. I would always say, “I think you should go back to work after we have a child” and she would always say, “Maybe I should be a stay at home mom”. We would talk about it every now and then but we pretty much kept the same points of view.
Well, about three years ago, we had our first child. It was a no brainer that my wife would stay home with our daughter for at least a couple years. We both agreed that, since we had no debt (other than our mortgage) and had a nice solid cash flow each month, that it just made sense to live off of one income. It helped that we were able to continue to aggressively fund my 401k and also fund a roth each year. All in all, we definitely have no regrets.
Now some opportunities are starting to come up so that my wife could potentially get a job at my company. It’s a large company and is very family friendly. We would undoubtedly use the child care offered by my company (it has a VERY good reputation and is a bit more expensive but we feel it’s worth it). The financial benefits for her going back to work are quite good:
-Matching 401K (75% match up to 8 percent)
-Fully funded pension
-Annual bonuses (so we’d double the yearly bonuses)
-Great salary
-Flexible hours and less than 20 minutes from our house
I’ll confess, I find myself drooling over the potential increase in our income/investments. This would really be a decision more about increasing our net worth than about more cash flow. Doubling all the benefits is huge. I’ve run the numbers and we’d still be waaaaay ahead even with daycare figured in.
But alas, it’s not that easy. There are all the non-financial considerations. How would this impact our daughter? How would it impact our relationship with her? Would it help or hinder her early education? Would it be a positive social impact for her? And countless other things to think about.
So, here we sit. Mulling over the options. My wife has applied for a couple positions just to see what happens. If she gets called and get’s a job offer, obviously we’ll have to have some pretty intense conversations about whether she should do it or not, but we’ve decided to cross that bridge when we come to it. I have to admit, it’s a little hard thinking about someone else watching my daughter every day, but at the same time, it will only be a few more years before she is off to school anyway. Maybe starting her in a structured program now will give her a good head start.
Are there any part time positions she is interested in? She could work 3 days a week, or only in the morning, or something like that. It’s good for her to get back into the work force if she wants to stay current – a long pause could throw the rest of her career off track and not allow her to do things she really wants.
With all the additional monies you two would be making, think how better the quality of life would be for your daughter. This extra money could be put into a college fund or spend on other private schooling. In addition, perhaps you guys could now afford (not knowing your financial situation) more vacations or other fun family activities.
“It will only be a few more years before she is off to school anyway. Maybe starting her in a structured program now will give her a good head start.”
So why rush it? Why not wait til she’s in school for your wife to go back to work?
Although, watching my coworkers with school-aged kids, as kids get older it becomes even more important to have someone home in the afternoons to drive them to soccer practice, help with homework, and just provide an ear to process all the social and academic stuff the kid is getting from school.
I don’t know. It’s a hard decision. But if you’re okay financially right now, I think it should really be your wife’s decision. Does she want to work outside the house, or is she really doing what she loves the most right now?
Double the benefits, though. That’s a pretty nice carrot.
That is a tough one Hazzard. Do you plan on having any more children? Could you regularly visit your daughter while she is in the day care?
Personally I am not a big fan of “structure” until kindergarten. Not that I am opposed to preschool as long as it is play-based. But I also try to keep an open mind as there are as many different solutions/configurations as there are types/needs of families.
All good points. I think that, if it was totally up to her, my wife would just stay home. That’s probably the most complicating factor. We can’t make this decision just for me. I know that it would be a tough transition for my wife at this point. We haven’t even had a night away yet and it’s almost 3 years so the attachment thing is huge. We are trying to set up a couple night vacation for ourselves and have my mother in law watch our daughter. I think it would be healthy. I doubt that she’ll end up back at work unless someone makes her a really good offer. Since we are financially secure, are investing and have enough cash flow to take vacations, not worry too much about how much money we are spending each month etc, it really is more about long term investing goals and double the benefits.
Is it wise from a “Eggs all in one basket” standpoint for your wife to be working a the same company? Layoff would be much more likely to hit you both. Also benefits are identical so yo can’t “shop” between two different choices.
If you think your child needs/can handle a structured program now, why can’t it be provided at home? (there are plenty of resources out there for this) Then it’d be someone who has the time and desire to tailor the program to your child’s needs, like if she can handle structure in something but not in another.
My wife went back to work earlier this spring after staying home for the first 18 months of our little daughter’s life. It’s hard to know where to begin on all of the adjustments involved, but I must say that we couldn’t have anticipated where the stresses would come from. Our biggest worry going into this was directed towards our daughter’s experience in daycare, and I don’t think either of us thought much about the potential changes in my wife’s day to day life. Our daughter loves her daycare, which is play-oriented (we call it playschool). She’s learned so much there! I think my wife and I both agree that the experience of being around other toddlers and excellent teachers has been wonderful for her. I wouldn’t necessarily say that she has more structure there than she had at home because my wife was very focused on providing a routine and structure for our daughter here at home. What she does get is even more learning-oriented play than she received at home. She now washes her hands almost all by herself, she knows countless new songs. She’s learning the alphabet, on and on and on. She truly looks forward to and enjoys playschool everyday she goes there.
The most unanticipated part of the adjustment for us has been the added stress in my wife’s life. She finished a master’s degree in nursing while taking care of our daughter (okay, I guess she wasn’t a 100% stay-at-home mom), so her new job was a step up from the nursing work she was doing before our daughter’s birth. She’s now a clinical nurse specialist with added responsibilities and expectations. She’s already working beyond the 32 hours a week for which she’s paid (though she insists things will slow down once she gets a better handle on the job). I know she’s enjoying the challenge, but I also know that the adjustment has been very stressful for her. There’s also the added stress to the family. The daily chores of planning and preparing meals and getting our daughter bathed and put to bed are much more difficult when both of us work. We trade off certain tasks during the week, and we’re still working on getting into a routine that works well for all of us (our daughter included).
So my advice is to think not just about how this is going to affect your daughter. Think about how it’s going to affect your whole family. I think that at this point we’re all happy with the change, and the added income is terrific. But we didn’t necessarily consider all of the changes that would take place. My guess is that you would have a similar experience. If your daughter is around two years old, she’s going to love daycare/playschool, and she’s going to get a lot out of it. She’s probably ready for it, but are you?
Penty,
From an eggs in one basket perspective, I’m okay with it. Since she is currently making no income, even if we both got laid off, it wouldn’t really be different than if she had stayed home and I lost my job. (We’d both have to look for work either way). The additional pay and benefits she can make at my company are worth that risk to us.
Reidjh,
Thanks very much for your comments. That’s all great information for us to consider. I have wondered how the change would impact my wife. There’s no question there would be an initial emotional shock to get through and I would definitely take on more roles on the daily chores. I’m sure we would probably have a similiar experience that you’ve had so it’s great to hear your point of view.
Definitely no real right or wrong answer here, so many things to ponder.
Personally (and this is just me), I think I benefitted a lot from having my mom stay at home with me until kindergarten. Whenever I do have kids, we plan to be as financially secure as you guys to be able to have one parent (either me or the wife, whoever makes less ;) ) stay home with the kid, and we plan to do so.
That said, do you feel this job opportunity is very rare?
The job opportunity is not rare, but we do have a little concern that if she stays out too long, her skills will be outdated and she’ll have a tougher time getting a job at that point.
Can I say one really crazy thing, there is a board I read, where a stay at home mom write her daily chores as SAHM to a 12 year old boy. And she’s not the only SAHM I think is seriously bored.
Empty dishwasher
Drink plenty of water – DONE (64 oz down, I’ll probably drink more through the day since I like water but I’m done with my “must have” amount)
Do laundry – IN PROGRESS
Walk Wally
Do a quick tidy/put away in each room of the house
Work on coupons – IN PROGRESS
Transcription work (goal: 45 minutes of audio) – IN PROGRESS (4 minutes done)
Choose one area to declutter/organize
Update Quicken – DONE
She changes hand towels everyday. Just something to keep in mind, don’t turn into this.